Monday, February 1, 2010

New Year's Resolutions...

I never really make New's Resolutions but this year I did. My goal for 2010 was not to get sick as much as I did in '09. It was a great goal and something I thought I would be able to do. Well that's crap! Two weeks or so after New Year's I was in front of the toilet pucking my internal organs out for about 3 days. It was horrible. So I have decided {for me at least} that resolution's are stupid! And that's why I came up with these resolution's that I can and WILL {probably not} keep! When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!", I will limit my top ten lists to ten items. We will see how these funny 2010 resoultions turn out. Do you ever wonder what your family pet's New Year's resoultions would be...
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cat's food ... before OR after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake the Master up by sticking my cold, wet nose up their bottom end. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell and I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my human's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are my human's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for my human's driver's license and car registration.
Enjoy, J

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